I have empath abilities, unfortunately because of them I lost many things dear to me but in the end they also saved my life I suppose.
by Yana Cadogen (neé Tanthul)
Ever since I can remember I've been treated with disdain by many of the people on my tribe's (Navajo) reservation because of an age-old rumor that one of my family's ancestors was a Yenaldlooshi (or skinwalker, forgive me for mentioning them) and because of what could be physic ability of some sort that I have. When I was a little girl I developed the ability to sense both behavolent and malicious presences in the space around me, as well as their emotions. Normally I only sense the behavolent, but since October of last year it's like the malicious have been drawn to me.
In October some younger kids on the reservation decided to fool around with a Ouija board one of their cousin's brought from the city, I refused to join at first but I felt like something horrid would happen to them if I didn't. And honestly I'd rather it be me then a few stupid teenagers. Immediately I felt a presence and I instantly knew I had made a mistake, it was overwhelming and made it difficult to breathe. But once a spirit is called, it must be dismissed and for that to happen it has to say goodbye. The others asked a series of questions, I asked what it's name was. I received 'many' and then I asked what it wanted and I received 'Johnson' and the number 10 as a reponse. The youngest began insulting the spirit and it felt like something was pressing it's chest to my back, trying to smother me. I looked about and saw my good friend Noah Johnson grimacing and clutching her chest like I was.
Once the session ended I shoved the board under my bed and ontop of it I placed a bible and a cross. A few nights later was when Noah and I were first attacked in a say, or possibly warned. She was spending the night at my house and we were laying on my bed just talking about high school and life in general, all of a sudden I felt a wave of heat swell of in my chest as well as a giddy feeling (the first I associate with anger, the second with amusement) and a force pounded against the mattress of my bed, directly under us. At first I assumed it was her and she assumed it was me, but as we watched each other it happened again and again. Each one weaker then the last. We peered under the bed and the bible (and cross) had been thrown of the board which was opened. That night we gave the board away to a friend and never saw it again.
At that time I was 15 and until I was baptized at the age of 17 I would constantly feel that thing around me, like it was waiting for something. As I rose to be baptized it grew desperate and furious, I felt like I was dragging an immense weight as I near the water. And as I was dunked into the water I felt it right above me. I felt it's rage and it's sorrow, as well as betrayal. It was sickening, but dissapered as the water engulfed me.
Until the age of 25 my life was perfect: I was married to an amazing man, I had just finished my residency year and was officially a cardiologist (graduated high school early), and I was four months pregnant with twin boys. And then I got a call from Noah's boyfriend on October 10th,2010 and was told that she had somehow suffocated in her sleep. I immediately linked her death to what happened ten years ago: Johnson was Noah and what that thing initially wanted; she died 10 years later on October 10th,2010; and she suffocated like we almost did then. I now it sounds insane but in a way it makes sense.
By that time in my life I had stopped going to church because of my church's prejudices towards gays/lesbians/bisexuals, I was hated for defending them. About a week after Noah's funeral (which I couldn't attend because I was in Slovakia at the time and she was in Nevada) I had a lucid dream (common for me but this was different) and it was simply horrible. I knew I was dreaming and was aware of every single detail of my surroundings. I was riding a white horse alongside another rider who was my younger brother (he was on a magnificent black horse) in a desert-like valley surrounded by these deformed scorched olive trees. We were on a path running from something and eventually we came to a split in the path. I took the path towards the west and my brother the the north. I heard him yelling at me and when I looked he was waving his arms about, pointing behind me. I looked and saw a forest of monstrous trees, in the distance I could see them being knocked to the side. Whatever it was was coming my way. I screamed for the damn white horse to run but just stood there, so I jumped off and hauled ass down that dirt road. As I ran I notices it ended in a cliff and there was no where's else to go, whatever was behind me was getting closer and I was beginning to hear whispering. I leapt off the cliff and landed on a small ledge that led to a crevice just large enough for me to hide in which is what I did. Seconds later I heard a loud swooshing noise and the thing landed mere feet from me. It had long scarlet scaled limbs with yellowed claws and a barbed tail. It began sniffing about and roared in distress when it could not find me, then it soared back into the air.
I prayed the was the end of it but it was not. Two months later I began feeling multiple malicious presences around me, even my husband began feeling things. He began experiencing attacks, scratches on his body and even began dreaming of voices in a dark tunnel. He said they were whispering about me and how much they despised him (as he introduced me to god when I met him on a trip to Slovokia in my junior year) for taking me away. And then I had my second dream which led to another death.
I was also aware of my circumstances in this dream as well. I was in what appeared to be a small windowless room. Inside the room with me were to beautiful children, they had their father's blonde curls and mischievous smirk as well as my eyes. I knew they were my twins, Castor and Pollux. Castor was the taller one who stood near the door and Pollux was the one in my arms staring at the door with wide terrified eyes. His brother was all smiles as he stood there. I heard a loud growling outside and tried to call out for Castor but I could not speak, I tried to grab him but I could not move. Pollux began sobbing and begged for his brother to come to us but Castor just stood there as if he could not hear. The growling began louder and it became evident there was more then just one. I could see them through the crack, two masses of shadows slithering around. And they turned as I found myself able to speak and said Castor's name. They lunged to the door but could only slip their limbs through. They latches onto Castor and that's when I woke up. Noah, my husband, was panicking and in the car with me on our way to the hospital. The larger baby in my womb who we had decided to name Castor had suffocated, the cord was wound around his neck. About a month later I gave birth to Pollux, he weighed in a 7.9 lbs and to this day is a healthy boy.
Then I began seeing things. At first I shook it off as jitters. Then I began focusing on the space around me and I saw shadows darting across the floor, they reminded me of tommyknockers and the homunculi. And one night I was in the nursery and I felt that same god forsaken presence from all those years ago looming over my son as well as myself. I felt it's fury,lust, and envy at my family. Fury I suspect for Pollux being baptized after birth, lust for our souls, and envy for our humanity. That night I decided I had been separated from God's side long enough and arranged to be saved.
Just like the first time I was saved I felt it's emotions but they were louder this time, more vivid as if it wasn't just one being. That night I had one last nightmare. I was in a foggy place that reeked of death but I felt safe, I look about and found a being of indescribable and ethereal beauty with their hand on my shoulder as they glowered at something before us. I turned back around and saw a hideous creature. It was easily over seven feet tall though it slouched and towered over my scant 5'0 and the being who I believe is my guardian angel or perhaps an embodiment of the holy spirit inside me. The creature had bulbous eyes of soot black that were smoldering with rage, it had mottled skin pulled over it's mouth and it's limbs were twisted at impossible angles. Its voice was not just of one being but of many, it spoke in a language foreign to me but yet I understood it. 'You cannot banish B______ (it's name, I only remember that it started with a B and sounded harsh), we will have you.' It then faded away and the beautiful being behind me merely gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze and offered a comforting smile before I woke up.
That event was around two years ago and I have not felt that presence since that night. My ability to sense feelings has spread to humans which at times is overwhelming, being an empath is somewhat tiring. I still see things unseen to others, it's hard to explain what they are but those many are intimidating at times, many can be lovely. Perhaps they're the souls of trapped people, or the seelie and the unseelie. I don't know what the creature was that stalked me for so many years was but I just want to say that never on any circumstances should you give into those that have a malicious air to them. Find safety in something whether it is God, another religious figure, or a sort of magic ( but never dark magic, that will surely fail you). That is my story and I hope that those who have encountered what I have never give in and find love, grow old, and wisen.