trying to move on after a break up

by nathan
(invercargill)

Hello. I would like to share what I'm going through in my life at this point. 9 weeks ago I lost my job, my girlfriend and lost my freedom for 3 months. The 1st week was ok I knew that my relationship was on the rocks and no good. But I had no idea the pain that was a head of me. I was stuck at home for 3 months and had nothing to do but think of her. It got to the point where I was texting her over and over asking stupid questions and crying all the time. This went on for weeks. She had come to visit me a few times in that 6 weeks, we even hugged and cuddled a few times but when she left or did not text me, I fell into so much pain 3 weeks ago she stopped texting me and I fell apart.

I had a break down in front of my family something I thought I would never do. I don't blame her for blocking me and not texting, I was putting myself through all this pain cause 1 text from her would boost me cause I needed her, and then it was gone.

It's been hard every minute of the day since. I have been seeing a shrink about how I feel and it turns out I have an adduction to people I go out with, cause every time I break up with someone this happens. I have deleted and blocked every part of her and her friends.

I still feel the pain everyday sometimes more than other. Weekends are the worst, being stuck at home is hard, my mind over thinks all the time. I'm slowly getting control of it, but omg its so hard when you miss them so much. Even tho I want to see her, I know its wrong and I don't want it. I want to heal and find me again. but she's in my head and I'm trying everyday. I know there is a light at the end as I am leaving this town in 3 weeks and starting a fresh. Anyone else been here before. Thanks

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Be Gentle with yourself
by: Jadeite

Hi Nathan

I feel you need to gentle with yourself for a while. A relationship breakdown of any sort is like a having a hole ripped in your life. It is a very loss. As such, you should allow yourself time to properly 'grieve' but not wallow to the extent that you're neglecting your well-being.

Perhaps learning to enjoy your own company is a start. Treat yourself, not needless extravagance, but something that will make you smile. Watch a favourite movie, create a playlist of your favourite music.

Or spend more time with family and friends who make you feel better. Remember that you're still a special person and worthy of being loved.

Be well and take care.
Suffering is an Opportunity to Become Whole within Yourself
by: Anna

Hi Nathan,
break ups can be very painful with suffering when you've subconsciously depended on the other for your love and happiness. But the suffering can also be a great learning experience and path to your wholeness.

If you're not whole within yourself first, you will look to another subconsciously to fill what you think/feel is missing in you, and expect the other to fill it. It does feel like withdrawal addiction when the other leaves. Many people look to replace the one that left, trying to fill in the void, but that doesn't get to the root of it for total healing.

The cure is to begin meditating. As meditation will not only ease the pain, but will heal the pain, while simultaneously bring you back to yourself. It will also create the foundation within yourself first. And then whoever you meet after that will also already be whole within themselves too.
Love and Blessings, Anna

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