Healing to Wholeness

Healing to Wholeness is bringing ourselves back to the Source or True Self that we really are, and bringing the harmonious being into everything we are Being throughout everything we encounter and go through.

Since it has been awhile since doing anything new except a few blog posts on my website, I am sharing some of my experiences the past few years that have kept me very busy with many other events that you will read about below.  It is kind of a catching up.

I have created this second page titled Healing to Wholeness to share some of my experiences that I have went through since writing the first page titled Self Healing.  At the time I wrote the first page self-healing which was in 2010, everything was going really good with my health, and whatever was not, I was able to heal so I really thought I did have so much of it under control and figured out. 

Until many unexpected situations happened around me that I now can see became very challenging and stressful at the time, but became later blessings to bring me even more back to my own Authority and to see what hidden beliefs (ideas) were unconscious that were still running my life. 

Especially fear.  Even though I had lived through so much fear that presented itself, I now see that I had much more to go through to release even more fear to keep bringing myself back to my true power of Love, to bring healing to wholeness.

My Parents and their Health Challenges

First it was my partners parents that became ill with cancer in their middle 60s and passed over.  That was allot to deal with for so many reasons and began more great work to get through allot of not only how I handled it, but also how my partner was handling it.  Being so unexpected.

For about four years my dads health continued to fall from his identification to the disease of asthma.  He would research it and I was watching him become more and more identified with the label of asthma, that I could clearly see how he was becoming that disease, and everything was always surrounded around it.  Asthma became his prison actually, because he eventually within a couple years became stuck in a wheelchair too.  He became sensitive to everything, and if anyone had a cold or flu, we could not visit and stayed away from their home out of respect for him until we were better.

My dad was a very courageous and a brave man and did everything around his farm, and knew how to fix anything that needed repair.  He taught all of us how to do everything from cooking to repairing vehicles and cutting trees, you name it, he could do it.  My parents were unconditional and everyone was always welcomed into their home and taken care of when needed, and forgiven at the same time for any mistakes they made too.  No matter what judgments against one another (siblings mostly) we would arrive with unconditional love and enjoy our times together and put everything aside because that is how our parents preferred it.

 Relative Sovereignty or Own Authority
  

Healing to Wholeness did not occur for My Dad
while in the Physical Body

By relative I mean that my dad was his own authority with almost all things, yet when it came to his health, he stepped down in that sovereignty to the believing the authority of the medical system, doctors and medications.  
So it seemed healing to wholeness was not in his consciousness while in the body this time round.

In this one example I will share, my dad was working in his garage cutting wood and his whole right hand went partly through his hand.  He did not tell anyone until we came to visit him.  My mom was always there as they were both retired.  When I did visit and seen his hand all bandaged up, he unraveled the bandaging he had done on it, and I actually had to look away.  It was so injured that no one could believe that he did not go to the ER to get it put back and stitched etc...  But he believed in his own authority and that he could fix everything, well except for his own health.  

His hand and arm healed day by day, week by week with scars, but everyone was so amazed at his courage and trust in himself to repair his hand and arm.  Though he had a bit of a challenge with his one finger with movement. He was in his early 80s when it happened.

Wonderful Times and Memories
To Last a Lifetime

It is just too long of a story to write about everything that went on from the time my dads health continued to fall.  So I will just try to stick to the shortest versions of it.  Once he was confined to the wheel chair because of his shortness of breath which would always put him into panic and fear, but I became closer than I ever had through the last 5 years of their life.  Not knowing at the time that they would pass so soon, we all really thought they would live so much longer than they would, even though they were in the middle 80s of age.

Since I was retired myself and had the most free time compared to my siblings, I stepped in to taking my mom on errands, and both of them to all doctor appointments etc...  I actually was enjoying every moment with them and doing whatever they needed done.  Of course whenever my siblings had time, they also stepped into help to, along with the grandkids too.  Everyone loved my parents as their own.

If I was not at their home (which was a 50 minute drive from our home, I would call them every day.  Thankfully my younger brother was only a 15 minute drive if they needed any immediate help.  Though my brother was so busy running his own buisness.

I began to look forward spending time with my parents.  We had fun, laughed, ate great food, talked, and they became like my best friends during that time.  

My Dads Passing

It was October 2018 and my dad was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance because of inability to breathe.  When I got there which was a couple hours later, he was at least feeling more calm with the oxygen face mask on.  A long story shorter again, he was in the hospital for 7 days.  He would tell me every day that he could not wait to have a hot cup of coffee and a donut. 

He did not eat for the 7 days he was in the hospital and it was amazing to see how his body was actually changing.  All his swelling in his legs, feet and arms went down.  He lost weight of course too.  But he looked so much younger and healthier.  From research I have presently done, I did not know at the time, how fasting actually is a great healer for the body.  So he would show anyone who came in how good his body looked.  But he still was unable to breathe on his own.

I recall the last day before his passing that he took his full face oxygen mask off and tried to breathe for a few seconds and then the depression fell upon his whole demeanor, and he said, no I still cannot breathe, this is it, I am done, I cannot do it any longer.  The nurse previously had warned me that he already planned if he said go, then they were to start the procedure for ending his life.  I think I was in denial and still did not really comprehend all this until he told us to call the nurse in and said it is time.

The calls were made so fast and all my siblings,  partners, and their grandkids etc...started to fill in the waiting room and hospital room.  Even in those last moments he had with all of us, he was laughing and joking around.  He said to us that he was going onto a new world and making a new paradise for us all to meet at when we pass.  He still was giving hope to us all even at the end of his present life.  I have visited that place many times in my dreams.  Even sometimes when I am silently focused in the present moment and drift into their dimension.  That is a whole other story.  Anyway, he was such a brave, courageous man my dad was, and my mom too.  My parents were together through thick and thin for over 60 years.  And I believe through my dreams and interdimensional experiences, they are still together and enjoying their new farm paradise.

My middle brother and I could not go back into the hospital room once our dad made that decision.  We were in shock and did not know how to comprehend it all.  I felt allot of anger believing he was giving up too soon and there was nothing I could do about it either.  My youngest brother stayed with him till the end, as my mother was so disoriented and had to go home to rest, and since I was taking care of her while my dad was in the hospital, I took her home.  I know she also could not comprehend he would not be around anymore in physical.  We got the phone call the next afternoon that he finally passed over.  My brother said he was in no pain and was so filled with I guess lots of drugs to aid in his process of passing over and his last breath.

My Moms Passing, 13 Months after My Dad

Another long story short.  I lived with my mom for 13 months at my parents home.  My partner was of course very supportive and took care of our home while I was there.  We were in the process to trying to figure out something so that the 3 of us, my mom, my partner, our pets and myself could combine and live together.

My mom became my best friend.  She was with my 24-7.  I took her out allot doing things she loved to do.  She loved thrifts stores, food shopping and we had great meals together.  I wanted her to have as much fun as she could because I knew how much she was heart broken without my dad.  They were like two peas in a pot.  After retiring they were together all the time and there for each other too.  We all knew that her heart was not the same since our dads passing, and then her symptoms began escalating.   And so did her memory also start to fade in and out which I take as Seth channeled by Jane Roberts said, when the memory looks to be failing, it is really that the person is going from this dimension to another.

It was November 2019 when my mom passed.  There are just too many experiences to write about of what I went through while she was in the hospital and what kind of pushed her to even go to the hospital.  Everyone came to the hospital and we stayed as long as we could.  We all left and went home since she was sleeping most of the time, but I was able to hold her and speak to her that if this is it, look for dad because he will be there to get her.  We got the phone call in the early morning that she had passed.  I knew that my dad came to greet her and off they went.

Stress and More Stress

OMG!  Talk about disorientation.  I do not even know what I was going through but I knew I had tools to get me through all this.  We referred and called my parents home, the Farm.  It was a beautiful shalet home they built  in the 1970s with 26 acres of land and a pond they also put in.  it was so heavenly and serene.   Everyone had the best times and memories while being there.  

How were we even able to grieve our losses when now we had to decide what to do next with the farm and the will etc...  My younger brother knew all about the business side because of his business and other experiences he went through.  So he was able to continue doing the legalities of still dads will and now moms.  We were executers.  Actually a position I would never agree or be in again after going through the experiences I went through with being in the middle all the time, especially with 4 siblings. 

Two of us wanted to try to keep the farm and our parents legacy going, the other three just wanted to sell and try to get on with life.  Yes, another long story short, it came down to no other option than to sell the farm.

OMG!  That was heart breaking in itself.  However, I was trying to accept this and let go of everything.  So I was traveling back and forth from our home to the farm every day as I was looking after it.  Until February 2020, I went to the farm to check everything and was just staying a few hours. It was cold and snowing and there was lots of ice under the snow too.   

Stress to Trauma

The night came fast as I was walking around the outside of the farm, it was so beautiful the fresh snow falling and seeing and feeling my warm breath from my mouth into the cold air.  I seen that one of the huge big barn doors was open and I grabbed it to slide it across and OMG!  Fell to the ground in shock and pain.  There was ice I was unaware of and when I went to pull the door I slid.  I could not walk, so I slid myself back to the house which was quite a distance into the back door and along the hallway to my cell phone.  

I called my younger brother and hew as there in less than 15 minutes called the ambulance and I was on my way to the hospital.  The experience of the incident and I continuously kept bringing myself to relax and breathe because the pain and fear was too intense.  At the hospital we find out that I broke my knee cap in half.

Now another journey begins because I must stay at the farm because I could not do any stairs, let alone even a inch step up for quite awhile.  Our home had stairs and the farm was perfect for me to stay for my recovery.  After the surgery I could not bend my leg for 6 weeks.  But the day I came home from surgery, I tore up the pain medication paper because I never take any meds for anything, so why start now.

Wow!  OMG!  That night it was worse than child birth and labor pains because at least with labor pains it comes and then eases off for a bit.  But this seem to become worse as the shot of whatever they give after or during surgery wore off.  My partner was with me and I just had to breathe through it and use the techniques I have used with other fractures or breaks I had in the past, and get beyond my body.  Through allot of added gowning and moaning too.  Everyone was absolutely shocked that I could get through it all without any pain meds, no meds at all.

Again I turned to watching Joe Dispenza interviews because I loved that he would remind us that we make our own pharmacy in our bodies.  And of course everything else he said was also great reminders and inspiration that I can do this.

Through 48 hours of it and then it would subside a bit more and a bit more as the days went on.  But what a experience because it was also the time of the pandemic and it took me 3 in half months before I could get around and drive.  Then I also had to go from 0 mobility to full mobility.  I also did a second surgery to remove the pins and screws.   I went through allot of fears of ideas that I may never be the same again, but I kept using the infinite tools and reinforcing wonderful positive possibilities over the fear.

Forward to a year later I was already doing everything I did before, lifting heavy things etc...  What is left is just some scar tissue that I absolutely know will dissolve and then the tight feeling will be gone too.

What Happened...Subconscious

Probably most of you reading this has been thinking the same that I begin to think later. did I do this subconsciously to stay at the farm.  We all know that nothing happens by chance, it is always something to do with thoughts, ideas, beliefs etc...  Yes that did lead me to allot of inner work and contemplations too.

Forward to November 2022 to July 2023

In November I noticed a big bulge just below my ribcage and it was pulsing. I wanted to continue in being my own authority and sovereign with my body and continued to try to do self healing.  I again turned to Joe Dispenza videos because so much fear was taking me over.  I did not want to go to get diagnosed because I did not want to add more fear or diagnosis.  I thought without a diagnosis I could just heal whatever it was, that it did not matter what it was, it just had to heal.

I could not help myself and began researching everything that would kind of come close to my symptoms. I thought it was a hernia, then an enlarged heart, and then I began to have more symptoms of burning in my lower stomach, ulcers I presume.  It went on and on and now I was in more fear and confused and this was just making things worse.

I know when I watched Joe Dispenzas interviews that then led me to the testimonials that led me to his meditations.  So I immersed myself in rereading his books again, even though I read all of them whenever they were first released.  At the time the Placebo came out, I bought a copy for family members which to this day none have read yet.

I was having more symptoms and food sensitivities too.  Then I came across the research on fasting and began fasting which became so easy because of the negative reactions my body was having anyway.  It was more like a relief feeling of the body as it became lighter.  I land up losing over 35 pounds within 9 months.  My whole life I always loved food, my weight would fluctuate from 140 lbs to 170 lbs. 

I also realized I created a subconscious belief with food by thinking too much about about gluten info etc...  I began to notice when I ate that thoughts would pop up that so many foods are actually not good for the body anymore.  As gluten, sugar etc...  Especially when I absolutely knew that nothing has meaning but the meaning we give it, and had also lived that most of my life.  So I was actually shocked how subtly those ideas formed.  Looking back in hindsight to realize that the thoughts I was thinking actually created a subconscious belief around food.  Now feeling like food was a enemy. 

So then of course I went to work on changing all those beliefs to enjoy all the food I love, and I am eating whatever I want whenever I want.  I now refer to The Work as FUN ACTIVITY.  A good friend of mine actually brought it to my attention that she had too many negative associations with the word WORK and changed it to fun activity.  It does shift things because now it really does feel like fun instead of work.

I Gave In to a Walk in Clinic

In June I finally gave in from not only pressure from family members but also from all the constant pulsing this bulge was doing all the time and the unknown was starting to put me in fear.  The doctor at the clinic was very concerned about the pulsing and thought it may be something with the aorta and set up an ultra sound appointment at our near by hospital.  He told me not to do anything but rest and not to even touch it at all.  OMG!  Okay, now he has put more fear into me and I had to calm myself down and remember that it is up to me again.

I wanted more time and remember imagining that they would call and the appointment would be after the weekend instead of on the Friday.  And walla!  Yes that is exactly when it became.  I guess I figured within that weekend it would just all go away and I would be healthy again.  Or at least I could imagine the results being not as serious as the doctor or all my other ideas from researching symptoms. 

And walla!  She said it was a cyst on my liver.   My partner and close friend said that they think I actually switched to the reality of more preferrences of it not be as serious.  I also felt I did too.  And hat was like hearing better news than what originally was assumed.  Though I still did not know if it was a cancer and why so many different body symptoms.  The walk in clinic did call and leave messages 3 times for me to come in for my results but I did not go back. 

Though whenever fear would take me over, I would tell myself I will go tomorrow, but by the tomorrows I would get all pumped up from watching testimonials and doing meditations etc...and would absolutely believe, I got this, I will do it myself.  I kept reminding myself that I want to be my own authority over my body and life and create my own diagnosis.  I have done already so much in the past, there should not even be a second thought about it, you would think.  And then the thoughts of just healing this is not enough, I need to KNOW how I created it subconsciously and what the root of it is, other than just stress, and felt there was something deeper going on, and I do not want to recreate or create any other body situations in the future.

Now it is end of July 2023 and things go from a bit better to worse to okay and it is like a teeter totter ride.  Trying to not pay attention when being in the body and it is doing all that it does is very challenging.  But I continue to do everything I normally do and thinking, feeling (as much as possible) and inner talking etc...as a totally healthy person.  I also no longer mention any symptoms to family members because I do not want to be pestered to go the medical route.  And they do not know how to support a person like me who is evolving into being my own authority.  

German New Medicine, Dr. Hamer

Yesterday I came across a link to a German doctor from one of the comments from a Joe D testimonial page.  I clicked on it and wow! That link the link German doctor will take you to Dr Hamer original webpage. Then you can click on the menu and articles to read.

Blessing in Disguise

Everything began to fall into place for me to understand the core of the stresses and the what Dr. Hamer refers to as Conflict Shock and the different healing stages and processes the body goes through naturally and then the final healing stage.  And how we can recreate diseases with more conflict shock if we do not change our reactions, attitudes and emotions. That last sentence is similar to Joe D and many other teachers are saying too. I really understand now why Joe D says it is about changing ourselves and not so much about the healing.  That the healing comes as a natural side effect from our changes by how we interpret and respond to stressful situations.  And even though I had changed allot throughout the years with handling stress better, there were still many things that I still needed to work or have fun activity about that I did not notice up until now.  So we are a work in progress.

I already knew from Joe D and other teachers work but not in the actual specific way I need to really understand it all.  And how this really does relieve so many fears when symptoms do get worse.  Because most of us have been conditioned to believe it is a negative, a fearful thing to be happening, instead of celebrating in it, and relaxing in it, to let the body do its thing.

In the past I only used breathing to relax myself into the present moment, or the quantum field as Joe D refers to it.  Since Feb 2016 when the true source unveiled, and know who we all are.  So I realize also that we do not have to do anything but just let the body heal itself as Dr. Hamer German New Medicine confirms.  But because we are so conditioned to believe we have to do something, and whatever we do especially if it is enjoyable will always be a benefit anyway.  It is really all up to ourselves in whatever we want to do or not do.  I find the most important thing for me is to find out and know how I create anything that I create so that I do not recreate it again, or create something else.  And of course this has been the journey all along with our evolution. 

Also to keep in mind that nothing even has to take any time and many things do heal in moments as Seth said that we are recreating moment by moment.  Now I do realize that first it is important to get to the root cause to know triggers and to respond differently especially emotionally, since this is what creates the new changes that sustains pure love and health.

Though through all of the situations I have still continued to be a conscious creator too and so many amazing things manifested along the challenging past few years.