After awakening, for a couple of weeks I had no desires, no wants, as I was still lingering in such expansion of fullness, completeness and feeling so whole. For a couple of weeks all my desires from the past that I thought I wanted so much seemed to have fallen away. I really didn’t care at all about much of anything but this Infinite Love and how IT just takes care of everything.
I felt so absorbed in infinite love and grace. I felt so taken care of in every way. I was just living day to day in bliss and trusting the infinite, that was not only carrying me along, it was supplying whatever I needed moment to moment. After awakening I was literally just following my joy, bliss and fun in doing whatever came next that felt fun to do. Everything was taking care of itself.
I even went through a short stage after awakening of not knowing how to talk to others because all that was concerning them, that also used to concern me before, was no longer an issue. Such carefree words would just come out of my mouth, and others didn’t even know how to respond either. That went on for a about a week or so.
After Awakening there may be some chaos. That’s been my experience. As the mind continuously tried to make some sense of what occurred, the mind became louder and tried to take its control back. This felt like a very awkward stage because the mind of all its past programming of memories came to the surface, and was now trying to do everything still in the old ways.
So it took me awhile to stabilize myself into not only comprehending many things in newer ways, mixed up with the older ways. As the mind became more active, and I did continue to try to just observe, it became more challenging. After awakening the mind seemed to become magnified, until I could reassemble everything into a newer perspective, yet I still felt confused. I realized I had a belief that after awakening, everything would be instantly so different than the past. Like I’d be so glorified and life would just become so magical. It actually is however, still a an unfolding process.
In the video below is a perfect illustrated example of how the magnified chatter can pull us in.
After awakening, Past Mind Interference of thoughts as…can I really trust the infinite, all kinds of old memories surfaced of doubts, insecurities that I really thought I had surpassed. So I searched for more information that could direct me to understanding what I was now going through.
I came upon Joe Dispenza again, and this time while watching and intently listening to a couple videos, I now was understanding what I must of not understood before. Which now makes so much sense because of course, after having the experiences of self-realizations, now I am watching it from already having the experiences. In other words what I intellectually knew, I now knew in my body from the experience.
This video is about three brains
It’s been quite a roller coaster ride. Especially when I was also observing while going through some of these processes after awakening, self-realizations. Though it took me a bit to get back on track to observing and not engaging in the mind of the old way, while my brain was rewiring for the new programmed way of being, in some situations the ego sneakily played itself out. Until through continued awareness, and observing I realized what was going on.
Then my desires began to surface. In the past these desires I felt were from the Infinite Self because of the sustained passionate commitment, they’d never let up, it felt like a heart burning desires. The desires of physical immortality, instant manifestations, and the more advanced desires all surfaced again.
So I actually sat and pondered about it all, because of what I read about just allowing the Infinite to use us as a vehicle and not having to even be concerned with desire any more. However, for me, that just was not resonating. However, something that I came across that Matt Kahn said did resonate. Though I heard this in the past, he said it in a way and at the timing I needed to hear it, that our most passionate desires are from the Infinite, and then we pick it up. Though presently I'm unable to find the exact video, this one is great about student v/s master. Matt stirs up a lot of laughter and playfulness for me through his videos.
The infinite gave us the desires originally, but the mind intercepts the desires believing that the mind came up with the ideas for the desires. That seeming little, yet so profound realization can make all the difference because, now we are actually realizing that these desires may be actually Visions that should be honored. Especially if we are going to allow the Infinite to play through us for whatever reasons it has for our evolution.
Now I was perceiving these desires in a different way. And also perceiving to realize that everyone has their own unique desires to play out in physical reality. Of course I knew this for so long intellectually, but now I knew it in my heart and soul, in my beingness. And my body was now getting the message too. It was like I was finally giving myself the permission it needed to honor my most profound desires are actually vision that were coming from the Infinite for my journey. We all have our own unique desires and visions from the Infinite to be able to play out on the physical journey.
I also came across Sadhguru explaining about desires being personal and Visionary impulses are for not only ourselves but for humanity, "it is all inclusively willingly". As we become our true self without the chatter we are then actually visionaries because we are radiating everything in our life responses unconditionally which does change everything.
Joe Dipsenza talks about allowing and being aware of how the Universe or Infinite shows us so many signs along the way. He’s says, “rocks our world” so that we have no doubt that it’s signs from the Infinite. And though that has been occurring for me for decades, it now had a different flavoring about it all now.
It even had a heightened excitement and confirming trust. I began to experience more and more of those signs in a heartfelt appreciative way than in the past. The feelings of heartfelt love, gratitude and trust so naturally unfolding. I would slip into compassion without realizing that I was.
One example of natural open heart compassion manifestation that occurred the other night. I was watching an old 10 minute film that came on, a fill in before the movie actual started. It was about some guys living in Oralia, up north in Canada in the 1960’s or 70’s. Now the channel was a USA channel, so I thought that was also weird that the alert was for Canada on a USA channel.
Near the end of the film a “alert” came on the screen, all with red background. At first I thought it was just something that was recorded at the time of the film and wasn’t erased. Until I went in the other room and checked my cell phone for the weather, and the same exact alert was on my phone. Now I was puzzled and realized this was happening right now.
The alert was that a young male went missing and all the details. At first I observed the mind going chaotic with all kinds of negative scenarios of hopelessness and victimhood. But then I quickly and naturally reminded myself and observed with awareness what the mind was doing, and let it all go. Then I sat there and my heart so naturally opened and filled with compassion and empathy for him and his family.
I closed my eyes and felt what I desired for the outcome. For just a few moments I envisioned the male being released from whoever captured him, and him finding his way back to his family, being safe again. That lasted only a few moments, but it was so deep and real. It also reminded me of my self-realization experience too.
In that moment of my first self-realization, there was no time, just infinity, and there was no others, just all love embraced in the Infinite. Those few moments of my natural envisioning was as real as that self-realization was. And then I let it go to the Infinite, knowing it knows what, how, and the best for all concerned. But I felt so connected to it all.
After about 5 minutes I went back into the other room, and after about 10 more minutes into the movie, the “alert” came back on the screen. It read the male is now safe and returned home. I was so surprised, actually shocked. Yes, the Infinite did “rock my world” as Joe Dispenza says. It showed me allot just in this one situation.
How easily and effortlessly we can not only be of service for humanity in our own ways, and also how manifesting instantly actually works. When we just be naturally in the Infinite’s Loving embrace and open our heart as we are one, and allow it to do it’s magic. This taught me so much, as all of these experiences I’ve been having lately is teaching me about Infinite living.
A great in depth explanation in this interview with Ken Wiber of owning our emotions and evolving our consciousness. And more understanding and reasons why after awakening most still having ego behavior.